Lesson Twelve Chapter 4

“Don't just learn something from every experience; learn something positive.”
—Al Neuharth

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.”
—Willie Nelson

My very first full-time job was as a college instructor. I was more than a little nervous about teaching, especially at the college level. All of my undergraduate and graduate study had been in the area of communications, not education. I could bring to mind only one piece of advice a professor friend had given me for teaching: “Always end on a positive note.” These last two chapters are my attempt to follow that advice.

You have probably noticed that I have relied heavily on the works of Drs. William Glasser and Jane Bluestein. This is because I have a lot of respect for their work as well as for their philosophy of life. They are both very positive people and have been very generous in allowing me to use their materials in my classes. I mention this here because I am going to enlist their help in bringing this to a conclusion.

First, I would like to share a short quotation from Dr. Glasser's book Schools without Failure. I believe it provides an excellent summary of what discipline should be about:

“In helping children, we must work to make them understand that they are responsible for fulfilling their needs, for behaving so that they can have a successful identity. No one can do it for them.”

I would also like to leave you with some very positive thoughts, courtesy of Dr. Bluestein, as I turn again to her The Parent's Little Book of Lists for the thirty best things an adult ever said to a child:

“I love you.”
“How are you?”
“You are a good person.”
“You can do anything you choose to do.”
“You’re very smart.”
“I’m so glad that we’ve got you.”
“You are very special.”
“When you make up your mind to do something, you always follow through.”
“You are number one.”
“Congratulations! You deserve this!”
“You’ll go far. I'll never have to worry about you.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“You add so much to this family.”
“You’re really good at . . .”
“I really like who you are.”
“How do you feel about that?” or “What do you think?”
“I respect you.”
“You’re more responsible than a lot of adults I know.”
“You’re going to achieve whatever you want, because of your great personality.”
“You did a wonderful job! I’m so proud of you.”
“I appreciate knowing I can count on you.”
“Your dad and I have loved you since the moment you were born, and we will never stop loving you.”
“You’ve got a good head on your shoulders.”
“You’ve got a tremendous amount of talent.”
“I’m so lucky to know you.”
“You have a great sense of humor,” or “You’re fun to be with.”
“I really admire how you . . .”
“Your hard work really shows.”
“I appreciate you.”
“I believe in you.”

Jane follows that list by noting that genuine appreciation comes with no attempts to change or control a child’s behavior. Sincere positive comments from important adults become a part of a child’s belief system and self-perception, and can greatly influence the way he or she grows.

If, at a particular moment, you find yourself totally speechless, I suggest a big smile and a warm hug. They say a lot.