Lesson Twelve Chapter 1

“A good cause is often injured more by ill-timed efforts of its friends than by the arguments of its enemies. Persuasion, perseverance and patience are the best advocates on questions depending on the will of others.”
—Thomas Jefferson

“In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.”
—W. B. Prescott

“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.”
—Thomas Jefferson“

A good cause is often injured more by ill-timed efforts of its friends than by the arguments of its enemies. Persuasion, perseverance and patience are the best advocates on questions depending on the will of others.”
—Brian Adams

“Only those who have the patience to do simple things perfectly ever acquire the skill to do difficult things easily.”
—Author unknown

I chose to start this chapter with a series of quotations about patience, instead of only one quotation. I want to emphasize the critical importance of patience when it comes to discipline. Nothing that you have learned here will work without some degree of patience. There are no quick and simple answers when it comes to teaching children responsible behavior.

The title of this lesson is “We’ll Try Again Tomorrow.” It is one of the magic sentences that Dr. Jane Bluestein recommends to parents. The statement is meant to be directed to a child who is making bad choices. Rather than berating or punishing the child, Dr. Bluestein suggests that you simply take a deep breath and calmly tell the child, “We’ll try again tomorrow.” This is a caring, nonpunitive, and hopeful way of patiently continuing to help a child with a discipline problem.
This same advice applies to parents as well. When your best behavior coaching doesn’t seem to be working, don’t get upset or depressed. Simply say to yourself, "I’ll try again tomorrow,” and let it go at that. Parents are often too hard on themselves when the discipline efforts fall short of the mark.

Dr. Bluestein has four additional key sentences that might be of help to you in your discipline efforts:

“That won’t work for me," or “This isn’t working.”
Let’s say that you have told your child that he and his friend can play in the living room so long as they play quietly. Then after about two minutes of quiet, they are yelling and screaming. You might be tempted to stop the behavior with “What did I tell you about being quiet? Now be quiet, or I am sending you to your room.” Instead, take a deep breath, count to ten if necessary, and say, “This isn’t working. Go play outside now.” Both approaches solve the immediate problem. The second way is more respectful and keeps your blood pressure at an acceptable pre-parenthood level.
“Think of a solution that will work for both of us.”
This transfers the responsibility for solving the problem to the child. This sentence is particularly valuable when negotiating with older children. If your child keeps rejecting your ideas, using this sentence will help both of you move toward a resolution of the problem.
“Can you live with that?”
This sentence is very different from “Is that okay?” Your suggestion might not be okay, but it might be something that your child can live with. It is a way of reaching a compromise that is acceptable to both the parent and the child.
“Tell me what you just agreed to.”
This gains a commitment from the child and confirms his or her understanding of the plan. This makes sure that you and your child are on the same page with respect to solving a problem.

Using these sentences will help you maintain your composure and not let your emotions get the best of you. If you do lose your temper, don’t worry. You and your child will survive the incident. Forgive yourself, move on, and try again tomorrow.