Lesson Ten: Problems at School

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Chapter 5

At Risk Students

The title of this first lesson is “I’ve Got a Secret.” Now you have that secret as well. The secret is that you cannot force children, or anyone, to do anything that they do not want to do.
—Dr. William Glasser

Generally speaking, children who are having problems at school do not like school. These children do not feel safe at school, either emotionally or physically. They do not find schoolwork rewarding or need fulfilling; if they are failing, they can simply give up on school and on themselves. They think that no matter what they do, they are going to fail. So, if they are already going to fail, breaking some more rules isn't going to make any difference. And if their disruptions bring emotional reactions from teachers, at least they will be getting some attention. Children will endure a lot of pain just to get some kind of recognition, positive or negative. Failing a student does not motivate him or her to try harder. Failing a student simply communicates a lack of confidence in his or her abilities.

The lesson is to not give up on kids. If you do, they will give up on themselves. When children believe that there is no chance for success, they will stop trying. If they are not getting their needs satisfied through positive behavior, they will attempt to get them met through negative behavior.

As I mentioned previously, I am now writing a course for teachers about making schools emotionally safe for students. Recognizing when children do not feel safe is important for both teachers and parents. Dr. Jane Bluestein suggests that children who feel unsafe exhibit certain characteristics that parents and teachers should be watching for. These behaviors indicate that children are feeling unsafe and may be at risk for destructive, compulsive, and/or addictive behavior. These characteristics include the following:

They do not feel valued and secure in school.
They do not feel listened to; they believe that their opinions are unimportant.
They exhibit a high degree of despair; they believe that they cannot positively and realistically affect or change their life.
They are negative and pessimistic.
They have difficulty expressing feelings constructively; they have a tendency to "stuff" feelings and/or blow up.
They compete for power with most adults (and, often, peers).
They have difficulty taking no for an answer.
They have few interests; they might watch a lot of television.
They have difficulty solving problems or making decisions.
They have a tendency to blame and to avoid responsibility.
They lie.
They are superachievers.
They are poor achievers.
They are nonconformists.
They bully.
They dislike school.
They are disruptive at school.
They clown around at school (instead of working).
They are withdrawn.
They fake sickness.
They have friends who use drugs or alcohol.

The above characteristics do not necessarily indicate serious problems. They are simply warning signs of which to be aware. If you are concerned, talk with your child. If you are still concerned, talk with your child’s teacher. If you are still concerned, your school principal can direct you to additional resources. However, before you do anything else, talk with your child in a nonthreatening, caring manner. Express your concerns, and offer to help. Talking with your child is always the very best way to begin dealing with any problem, at home or at school.

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