Lesson Ten: Problems at School

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Chapter 4

Disruptive Behavior

“All behavior is motivated by needs. When facing different options, our choice is determined—consciously or unconsciously—by the strongest current need and the option that will best fulfill that need.”
—Dr. Jane Bluestein

Disruptive behavior is behavior that stops the teacher from teaching and other students from learning. It is behavior that disrupts the teaching-learning process. Why should you worry about your child’s disruptive behavior at school? This is the teacher’s problem, isn’t it? Unfortunately, many parents think that the answer to the latter question is yes. Parents who ignore discipline problems at school are missing an important opportunity to help their child grow and mature. They know their child much better than his or her teachers. They have a stronger relationship and have a much better chance of helping the child change his or her behavior. And, if problems at school persist, they will be drawn into the problem whether they like it or not by a telephone call from the teacher.

Let’s review each of the four basic needs to see how they might relate to disruptive behavior at school. First, let’s look at how the need for power can affect children's school behavior. The need for power is satisfied through accomplishment and success. Children who are succeeding in school seldom present discipline problems. However, when children are failing and do not gain power through learning, they seek to satisfy this need by disruptive behavior. Engaging in discipline problems is their way of retaliating against a system that is frustrating, and they gain extra attention in the process.

The need for freedom might also be at the root of classroom problems. The need for freedom is the need to feel that you have some power over your own life, that you are able to make decisions and choices. Teachers can meet this need by offering students choices when it comes to assignments, or how to study, or even where to study. When children’s need for freedom is frustrated, they become anxious, irritable, and disruptive.
The need for love and belonging is also a very strong need for children. This need is met through attention. Many times children’s clowning around in class, or talking back to the teacher, or breaking classroom rules is an effort to get the teacher’s attention. I have told teachers, “Children are going to get your attention one way or another, and if they do not get it in positive ways, they will certainly get it in negative ways.” The need for belonging is also the need to be accepted by their friends. Peer pressure can be a strong influence on student behavior.

Finally, the need for fun can also present problems. Dr. Glasser defines fun as "the genetic reward for learning." If he is right, children who are succeeding in school are having fun. Teachers can also satisfy this need through the way they teach. Integrating enjoyable learning activities and games in instruction satisfies this need. Also, allowing children to work with others in groups can make learning fun. When children’s need for fun is frustrated, when they are bored, when they are not succeeding, they are likely to present discipline problems.

Now let’s examine a typical problem and explore solutions.

1. The Problem
   Shawna has always been a bundle of energy, attacking every task put before her with enthusiasm. She has never been an outstanding student, and her grades have consistently been a little above average. Her parents are confident that she is working at her own level, and they are not concerned about her school performance. Lately, however, there has been a change in Shawna's attitude toward school. She puts off homework until the last minute and says she doesn’t like school anymore. The school vice principal recently contacted her parents and told them that Shawna has been disrupting the classroom by talking loudly when she is supposed to be working quietly, she is knocking things over, and she is picking fights with other girls. Shawna’s parents are dumbfounded. What is the problem?
   
   
2. Rules and Outcomes
   As far as school goes, Shawna has broken any number of rules about working quietly, not bothering other students, talking only when called upon, keeping her hands to herself, and so forth. All of the promised outcomes at school are negative, and Shawna has endured all of them with no positive effect. She has been sent to time-out, sent to other teachers’ rooms, and sent to the vice principal. None of these punishments have had any effect on Shawna’s behavior. At home, Shawna’s parents have never had a reason to have a rule about school. To this point, it has never been a problem. Therefore, at home there is no rule and no outcome (positive or negative) attached.
   
   
3. Problem Analysis
   It seems obvious that something has occurred in Shawna’s life that changed her feeling about school. Previously, Shawna found school a need-fulfilling place. Now, from her actions, it would appear that school has become uncomfortable and frustrating rather than satisfying. Shawna's parents need to talk with her and with her teachers at school to identify the problem. It has been my experience that if the parents have a good relationship with their child, the child will tell them what is bothering him or her. To ensure that this takes place, Shawna’s parents need to approach her in a nonthreatening way and express their love and concern about her well-being. A confrontational “What is wrong with you?” approach is not going to open any lines of communication. Also, trying to pressure Shawna into cooperating with threats (e.g., “Shape up, or you’re going to be grounded until Christmas”) is not going to make Shawna feel safe and ready to ask for help.
   
   
4. Solutions
   Some of the time (not all of the time), the cause of problems at school can be traced to the teacher. For Shawna's problem, I am going to use an incident that I know actually happened. I am not suggesting that if there is a problem, the first place to look is the teacher. What I am saying is not to discount the possibility. Teachers are under a lot of pressure and can feel unappreciated. Like anyone else, they can make mistakes. Let's say that Shawna recently turned in a written report of which she was very proud. She had put a lot of work into the paper, and her approach to the subject, she thought, was very creative. She thought that she had done a good job and was looking forward to the teacher’s remarks. But when she received her paper back, it was covered with red ink and negative remarks. The teacher made no comment about the thinking that went into the writing. She concentrated instead on spelling and grammatical errors and gave the paper a failing grade. Shawna was devastated. Some of her friends saw the marks on the paper when it was handed back, and she was mortified. She has been staying away from her friends for fear of their making fun of her. All of this made Shawna extremely angry. She thought that the teacher was unfair, that the failing grade was undeserved, and that her friends had deserted her. Her reaction was to strike out with disruptive behavior at both the teacher and the rest of the class. As to the various punishments given to her, she didn’t care.

The solution is obvious, but not easy. After talking with Shawna and determining the problem, her parents requested a meeting with the teacher. The meeting was to include the parents, the teacher, and Shawna. Having Shawna present was an excellent move on the parents' part. It demonstrated to Shawna that the parents had confidence in her ability to attend the meeting, express her feelings, tell her side of the story, and control her emotions. The teacher was understandably reluctant at first, thinking that the parents and the child were ganging up on her. After the meeting started, however, and it was apparent that everyone was simply seeking a solution to the problem (rather than attempting to place blame), the teacher saw the value of having Shawna in the meeting. The end result was that the teacher apologized to Shawna. (Yes, that’s right: She apologized.) This was perhaps the best thing that the teacher could have done to get Shawna back to liking school. Shawna was given the opportunity to redo her assignment. Everyone came out of the meeting a winner. To help Shawna, both the teacher and the parents took some risks. The parents believed Shawna’s side of the story and trusted her to be part of the meeting. The teacher swallowed her pride and admitted that she made a mistake. When a problem is approached in a respectful and caring manner, a solution can be found that can have long-term positive outcomes for everyone involved.

5. Proactivity: Preventing Future Problems
   Regarding the prevention of problems, there is a lesson here for both parents and teachers. At the first sign of a problem at school, the teacher should contact the parents. The first time that parents suspect their child is having a problem at school, they should contact the teacher. It is only when teachers and parents work together that children can enjoy the full value of the educational process.

As to the importance of keeping communication open with your child, when problems at school occur, Dr. Todd Cartmell suggests a similar approach: “Talk with your child about his or her behavior at school. Without accusing (this will only make your child defensive), tell your child that you have become aware that there has been some inappropriate behavior at school and would like him to tell you what has been going on. This gives you a chance to see how well your child takes responsibility for his own behavior and may help you to become aware of other factors that have contributed to the behavior, some of which the teacher may not even be aware of (after all, they can’t see everything). Before you try to solve a problem, gathering information from your child's point of view is always a good place to start.

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