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Lesson Ten: Problems at School
Chapter 3
Cheating
“Many times a child feels forced into cheating because of parental pressure or the spirit of competitiveness in the class. The desire to please parents with high expectations can override even the most solid conscience.”
—Dr. William Sears
In his The Discipline Book, pediatrician Dr. William Sears points out that cheating is an adult concept that is not easily understood by preschool-age children. Adults equate cheating to lying or stealing. For a young child, however, cheating is just another means of getting his or her way. This can involve coming up with a set of rules that favors the child, or changing the rules in the middle of the game to ensure that he or she wins. Dr. Sears suggests that while children may have trouble understanding cheating, they can understand playing fair. He recommends teaching children that it is unfair to other children to cheat. Asking the child how he or she would feel if other children cheated against him or her might also be helpful. You can teach children that it is okay to change the rules of the game if all of the players agree. Teaching young children about fair play and honesty can set a good foundation, should problems appear later.
Cheating at school is a more complex problem. Again, parents have to examine what need(s) the child is attempting to fulfill by cheating. The need to please parents and gain their love and appreciation is often the cause for cheating. Children do not cheat just to cheat, or to beat the system. Children cheat because they think that they have to cheat. For instance, a child who has trouble learning how to add, who sees his classmates succeeding, and who is embarrassed to ask for help might feel the urge to cheat. Cheating is a child saying, “I can’t do what is being asked of me. Therefore, the only way I can succeed is by cheating.”
Finding the reason behind the cheating is a must to solve the problem. There could be one or more factors to consider. The child might have a learning disability. The child might have trouble learning just one concept or subject. The child might be attempting to meet the parents' unreasonably high expectations. The child might have a problem relating to the teacher. Once the source of the problem is identified, the need that the child is attempting to satisfy can also be identified. Armed with this information, parents can then help the child find a way of getting his needs met without cheating.
Let’s look at a specific example to learn more about cheating.
- The Problem
Bobby was caught cheating on a test. He was given a failing grade and will receive an F on his report card. His parents have been called in to meet with the teacher to talk about the problem. Bobby is angry and upset. His parents are embarrassed and at a loss about what to do.
- Rules and Outcomes
The problem has never occurred before, so there is no rule or outcome in effect. The teacher, however, does have a no-cheating rule, with the consequences of a failing grade.
- Problem Analysis
To solve the problem, the parents are going to have to discover what need Bobby was attempting to satisfy by his cheating. Of course, cheating means that he did not know the answers on the test. That is an important fact, but it is not the reason why Bobby thought that he needed to cheat. The parents need to examine their own expectations for Bobby’s academic achievement. Just having a calm discussion with Bobby may be enough. When children believe that they have a say, that they are being listened to, taken seriously, and loved, they will talk about the problem. As with other problems, punishment is not a solution. If the parents believe that their expectations are not too high, the problem may be in the classroom. Many times children fail to understand concepts, because their learning styles differ from the teacher’s instructional styles. For instance, if Bobby is a highly visual learner and the teacher relies on verbal presentations, Bobby could have a problem comprehending the lesson. Talking with Bobby and with Bobby’s teacher is the only way to discover the real motivation behind Bobby’s cheating.
- Solutions
Let’s say that Bobby’s parents talk with him and his teacher and determine that Bobby was cheating because he didn’t understand the lesson but was afraid to ask questions for fear of appearing dumb in front of his friends. “Everyone else understood,” Bobby explained. “I would have been the only one asking a question. The other kids would have laughed at me, and then they wouldn’t play with me.” Peer pressure is another common cause of cheating. A solution in this instance would be for Bobby and the teacher to make a plan about what to do next time. He could stay after school, meet with her at recess, put a note on her desk, anything that would open communication but not subject Bobby to ridicule. With this new plan in place, the parents then need to pay attention to Bobby’s efforts at school and acknowledge and encourage his good work. Giving him some extra attention for trying harder will certainly not hurt.
- Proactivity: Preventing Future Problems
It is always an excellent idea to gain as much knowledge as you can about what happens at your child’s school. Visit the school, and sit in classrooms to see what it feels like. Talk with the principal and the teachers. Discover for yourself how the school feels. Is this a place that you would like to attend?
Talk to your child’s teacher about his or her educational philosophy. What is important to him or her? What is his or her view of student achievement? Of discipline? What is he or she going to do when a problem occurs? What does the teacher expect you to do if he or she contacts you about a problem? The more information you can gain about your child’s school, the better positioned you will be if a problem occurs.
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