Lesson Ten: Problems at School

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Chapter 2

Homework Hassles

"Our son Josh came to us one evening with a series of questions he was supposed to answer for homework. When neither of us could help with the answers, we asked to see his textbook. Sure enough, the answers could be found in the appropriate chapter. When we asked our son about this, he shrugged, ‘The teacher said to answer the questions. She didn’t say we had to read the chapter, too.’”
—Lee and Marlene Canter (from Homework without Tears)

Homework can be viewed as the source of a good deal of problems or as a wealth of opportunities. For sure, homework can become a daily hassle if it is allowed to get out of hand. Homework can also present a number of opportunities. It is an opportunity for you to maintain a day-to-day connection with your child’s education; it is an opportunity for you to partner with your child’s teacher(s) to ensure your child’s success; it is an opportunity to teach your child responsibility; and it is an opportunity for you to strengthen your relationship with your child. You can look at homework as a potential-problem minefield to be avoided, or you can view it as a possible source of many positive experiences for your child and for you.

Let’s look more closely at each of the opportunities that I mentioned above. First, homework presents a means for you to maintain a day-to-day connection with your child’s education. By monitoring your child’s homework, you discover what she is studying and the progress she is or is not making. Also, by checking on your child’s homework, you show your child that education is important to you. The first step in teaching your child to value education is to demonstrate that you value the learning process.

If you are going to get involved in homework, you are going to have to have some contact with your child’s teacher(s). Showing teachers that you are concerned with your child’s education is an important message. Many teachers operate in a vacuum with little or no contact with parents. Unfortunately, for many parents, the first time that they talk with a teacher is when there is a problem. Teachers very much appreciate parents' interest, and, for the most part, teachers are very open to sharing their goals for your child. Opening positive communication with teachers is very important, especially if there ever is a problem. If you already have a relationship with the teacher, it will then be easier to work together to solve a problem.

Homework is also an opportunity to teach your child responsibility. For most children, homework is the first time that they have been given a job to do that is their very own. They have to remember to bring the work home. They have to complete the work. Then they have to remember to bring the homework back to school. This is a tremendous learning opportunity. If children can experience success in homework, they can see that they can take responsibility for a task, that they can make decisions, that they can have some control over their own life. Through homework, children can learn to manage their time, complete an assigned task, follow directions, and work on their own. These are all valuable life skills that are important both in and out of the school setting.

Homework is an opportunity for you to strengthen your relationship with your child. Consider this question: What experiences do you and your child have in common? School is one answer. Homework is another. Homework presents a chance for you to talk with your child about your own school and homework experiences. Chances are that you were not 100-percent happy with all of your homework assignments. Yet you did them, and you learned something in the process. This is an excellent opportunity to share your experiences with your child.

True, homework can be valuable. But the question is, how do you help your child do his or her homework (in the words of Lee and Marlene Canter) without tears—yours or your children’s? Let’s now examine a specific problem to learn more about homework.

1. The Problem
   Christie is having problems at school. She is behind in several of her subjects. Her teacher has told Christie's parents that if she doesn’t catch up soon, she is going to have to repeat the grade. The teacher has said that Christie’s homework is the key. She hasn’t been turning in all of her assignments, and the work that she does turn in is not done well.
   
   
2. Rules and Outcomes
   The only rule in place is that Christie needs to do her homework before she can go out and play. Her parents have been checking her homework every now and then, but they are never sure whether or not it has all been completed. The only outcome that has been discussed is that if Christie doesn't start doing a better job with her homework, she isn't going to be promoted to the next grade.
   
   
3. Problem Analysis
   The problem here is one of assumptions on the part of the parents. The parents assume that Christie is bringing home all of her homework assignments. They assume that she knows how to do the work and that she is just choosing not to do it. The parents are also assuming that the threat of being held back a grade is enough to motivate any child to do a better job. In other words, Christie’s parents assume that her need to be promoted with her friends is strong enough to overcome her short-term needs for fun or freedom or belonging, which are drawing her away from homework.
   
   
4. Solutions
   First of all, the parents need to replace their assumptions with knowledge and with action based on that knowledge. They need to find out what the teacher’s homework assignments and expectations really are. They need to talk with the teacher and find out how much homework Christie should be doing each night. Next, they need to have Christie bring home her assignments each night in written form. Then, each night, the parents need to see that Christie knows how to do the work. They can help her get started and offer some assistance. They should not do her homework for her. If they find that Christie does not know how to do the work, they should communicate this to the teacher. Finally, the parents need to tie a short-term positive outcome to Christie doing her homework, and then follow through and withhold or grant the outcome. Christie’s parents cannot assume that a long-term goal of being promoted is enough of an incentive for Christie to do day-to-day homework. Being held back is definitely an unpleasant outcome that Christie would like to avoid; however, it may be too far in the future to have any significant effect. Every day Christie should be able to earn a privilege for doing a good job on her homework (e.g., going out to play, watching television, listen to music, etc.). Additionally, the parents should institute an additional weekly positive outcome (e.g., going to a movie with her friends, spending the night at a friend’s house, etc.). It is evident that this problem has been going on for some time, so the parents are going to have to expend time and effort to get Christie back on a successful track.
   
   
5. Proactivity: Preventing Future Problems
   There are a number of steps that you can take that will prevent homework problems. You should set up a proper homework-study area for your child. The homework place should be well lit and as comfortable as possible, and it should have a good writing area. Many people use their kitchen table for homework. This is usually a very well lit area, and a kitchen table provides a good amount of space to spread out books, assignments, drawing paper, and the like. However, the kitchen, if it is like the kitchen at our house, is a very popular place. Now this is less of a problem if there are no siblings. However, if the child is trying to do homework where Mom is cooking, listening to the radio, or watching television nearby, these distractions could present a problem. Some children prefer lying on the floor or bed while working. If a child has his or her room, that is an ideal place so long as the distractions are not too great. Some children study better in a noisy environment. Believe it or not, that is fine. I mentioned before that I have a son in high school. He likes to do his homework in his room with the television on, the music playing on top of the television sound, and his computer set on Instant Messaging all ready for action. But, he gets good grades: A’s and B’s. Would my insisting that he do his homework without all of the distractions result in all A’s? I seriously doubt it. So, be prepared to cut your child a little slack when it comes to the homework area.

Making a homework schedule can also help prevent problems. Children lead busy lives, and it is never too soon to start teaching them organizational skills. The schedule can also include other responsibilities (e.g., practices, games, field trips, testing days, etc.). Involve the child in making the schedule, and talk about each item as it is added. When it comes to homework, be specific about the scheduled time. Also talk with your child about how to deal with last-minute rescheduling problems that might arise. Be sure that your child agrees to the schedule. Getting his or her input and commitment is an important part of the process.

Be clear about your involvement in the homework process. Be willing to get your child started, and be available for questions. The responsibility for doing the homework must rest with the child. To prevent problems, occasionally check on your child’s work, and give him or her encouragement for a job well done. If you can see a problem beginning to develop, check the homework on a regular basis.

By using these preventative measures, you teach your child both how to do homework and how to be responsible. By doing homework properly, children learn that they can think for themselves, make plans, and honor commitments. By learning how to solve problems, they feel good about themselves and develop the self-confidence needed to successfully deal with life’s pressures. Children also learn that when they take responsibility, their parents are there to support and help them succeed.

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