Lesson Eleven: Problems and Independence

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Chapter 2

Procrastinating

"Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today."
—Benjamin Franklin

I cannot begin to remember the number of times I have reminded my children (and myself) of that saying by Benjamin Franklin. Procrastinating is a vice with wide appeal. I am tempted to say that procrastination in a learned behavior, that we are not born knowing how to procrastinate. However, I am not too sure about that. Procrastination is so common that it might even be considered natural. As to being born a procrastinator, my wife will quickly point out that four of our five children were late being born.

Perhaps procrastination is best understood in terms of basic needs. Procrastination is simply choosing to satisfy one need at the expense of another need. At any one time, we are faced with various needs of different intensities. Part of growing up is understanding that, at times, we must choose to satisfy some needs that are less pleasurable than others. Homework is a perfect example. Homework is need-fulfilling because it gives a sense of accomplishment and meets the need for power. It may also bring attention and praise from parents or teachers, thereby satisfying the need for love and belonging. However, after spending seven or eight hours sitting behind a desk at school, children’s needs for fun, friendship, and freedom are very, very strong. I haven’t talked too much about physical needs, but the need for exercise can also be very compelling. So with homework, it is quite understandable that children will want to satisfy the needs that are the strongest at that time. For most children, freedom, fun, and friendship are the ones pulling the hardest.

One of the parenting books that I read recently says flat out, “Procrastination is not genetic.” Viewed in terms of basic needs, however, procrastination does have genetically implanted roots. I guess it would be safe to say that we are all born procrastinators.

Natural or not, procrastination is something we all have to face. For children, it can be a statement of independence, such as “I’ll do it when I am ready to do it” or “I will do it in my own time.” Procrastination is also a common reaction to parents who are very controlling and demanding. This is a rebellious statement: “You cannot control me. I will comply when I am ready, and not before.”

In my experience, I have found that there is one school instructional activity that leads very easily to procrastination: the school project. Hearing the words [i] school project [/i] strikes fear in the hearts of most parents. I must point out that I am not educationally opposed to learning projects. Properly used, these projects can help students relate what they have learned in the classroom to the real world. But if a child has eight weeks to complete his or her project, you can be fairly certain that on the seventh day of the eighth week, he or she will still be working on it. Now let’s look at a specific problem regarding school projects and procrastination.

1. The Problem
   When it comes to school projects, Todd is a procrastinator. This is nothing new. Every time he has a project, he waits until the last minute to finish it. More times than not, he will not have the right materials or the right book, and his parents will have to drop what they are doing to get Todd what he needs.
   
   
2. Rules and Outcomes
   Todd’s parents have put the following rule in place: He must finish his project on his own, and it must be completed two days before it is due. If he succeeds, he will be given an extra night out with his friends for the next four weekends. However, it is now two days before the due date, and the project is still not finished. Todd’s parents tell him that he has not lived up to the bargain and therefore will not get the extra time out with his friends. Todd then shows his parents a list of things he needs for the project but has “forgot” about it until now. Todd’s parents go ballistic. For his total lack of responsibility, his parents ground him for the next month. However, they still go out and get the supplies and help Todd finish the project.
   
   
3. Problem Analysis
   The rule and outcome seem reasonable, but for someone like Todd, it should have been more specific. Here, chunking the project could help. That is, the parents should have sat down with Todd at the start of the project and broken it down into segments. Then, a deadline would be set and agreed upon for each of the chunks. If each part were completed on time, Todd would earn a privilege. What this approach does is teach Todd how to complete a project over time. Some teachers assign projects so that parts are due as time passes. However, other teachers simply assume that the students will be able to figure out how to budget their time on their own. Some children can do this; others need help. Breaking a big problem down into manageable chunks is a handy tool and works to solve many problems.
   
   
4. Solutions
   Let's go back to the point where it was two days before the project was due, and Todd had not done anything. Instead of punishing Todd (and worse, helping him finish the project), what should the parents have done? First, they denied him the agreed-upon positive outcome. That was fine. But they should not have rescued Todd by running off to get his supplies and then helping him finish the project. This is a time for a child to learn about the consequences of choices. Todd chose to wait until the last minute. The consequence is going to be whatever the teacher has set up. Yes, Todd’s grade will suffer. But perhaps that short-term setback will have long-term positive results.
   
   
5. Proactivity: Preventing Future Problems
   As with the example, parents must let children suffer the consequences of their procrastination without rescuing them. Many children learn only by experiencing the negative consequences rather than being told about what might happen. Actions here are much stronger than words.
   
   Prevent procrastination by helping your child learn how to manage his or her time. Help him or her figure out a reasonable schedule. Establish mini-deadlines and checkpoints so that both of you will know if he or she is falling behind. If you have a homework schedule, put the project time line on it. If not, have your child create a calendar so that he or she can see visually each day how much time is left before the project is due. Being able to see a graphic representation of the days left to work on a project is much more effective than just talking about them.
   
   Once you have agreed upon a schedule, do not accept excuses. If checkpoints are missed, the positive outcomes need to be missed as well. If children learn that they can get out of doing work with excuses, they will take that lesson into the real world where the consequences will be much more costly. When working on the schedule, do not create it by yourself. Get your child's input; make the schedule his or her plan. Present choices and options so that the child has some ownership in the plan.
   
   By dealing effectively with procrastination, you can teach your child the value of planning ahead and sticking to that plan. You can also show him or her that you appreciate good work much more than excuses. If you think that your child might have some problems with procrastination, deal with it today. Don't procrastinate.

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