Lesson Eight: Problems With Other Children

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Chapter 5

Don’t Spank

“Spanking and other forms of physical punishment teach children that it is all right to hit people who are smaller and weaker. Physical punishment causes parents to lose an opportunity to teach children alternative behaviors that are socially acceptable. Its use sometimes leads to physical abuse and it contributes to the cycle of child abuse. Dr. Benjamin Spock, the famous pediatrician and writer, said ‘If we are to ever turn toward a kindlier society and a safer world, revulsion of physical punishment would be a great way to start.’”
—Center for Effective Discipline

By now, you have probably noticed that there is one recurring theme: Corporal punishment (spanking) is wrong because it hurts children and teaches them nothing about responsible behavior. If you take just one idea away from this writing, please take that one.

It is not only my opinion that corporal punishment is both ineffective and harmful. There is a great deal of research that confirms this position. More than forty national organizations favor abolition of corporal punishment. Here are just some of those organizations:

American Academy of Pediatrics
American Association for Counseling and Development
American Bar Association
American Humanist Association
American Medical Association
American Psychiatric Association
American Psychological Association
National Association for the Advancement of Colored People
National Association of Elementary School Principals
National Association of School Psychologists
National Association of Social Workers
National Association of State Boards of Education
National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse
National Education Association
National Mental Health Association

If spanking is so wrong, why do so many parents resort to this form of discipline? I believe that Dr. Jane Nelson’s answer is one of the better: “How are we ever going to teach our children it is not okay to hurt others when we keep hurting them? We are reminded of a cartoon depicting a mother spanking her child while saying, ‘I’ll teach you not to hit someone smaller than you.’ When a child is hitting, usually his or her feelings are hurt. Your child needs help from you but may feel frustrated because he or she isn’t getting the help needed. You probably feel frustrated, too, because you want your child to treat others respectfully and may even worry that your child’s behavior is a reflection on you as a parent. Perhaps you are overreacting and treating your child disrespectfully out of shame and embarrassment, trying to prove to other adults that you won’t let your child get away with his behavior.”

As we must teach our children to consider alternatives to hitting, as parents we must also consider the same thing. How do we do this? The Center for Effective Discipline offers the following suggestions:

1. Whenever possible, teach rather than punish. The goal of discipline is to teach children acceptable behavior. Hitting children does not teach acceptable behavior. It teaches children that "might makes right" and that hitting is a way to solve problems.
   
   
2. View children’s misbehavior as a mistake in judgment. It will be easier to think of ways to teach more acceptable behavior.
   
   
3. Whenever possible, make consequences relate to misbehavior. If a child makes a mess, he or she should clean it up.
   
   
4. Have behavior rules, but make sure they are few in number, reasonable, and appropriate to the child’s age and development.
   
   
5. Make sure that consequences for misbehavior are reasonable and clear.
   
   
6. Don’t argue or nag children about rules. If a rule is broken, remind the child of the rule and the consequence for not following the rule. When you give a command, speak in a firm voice, and repeat the command.
   
   
7. If your child has many behaviors that concern you, don’t try to change all of them at once. Choose one behavior of concern. Explain why the behavior is a problem, provide consequences for misbehavior, and praise the behavior opposite of the misbehavior when your child demonstrates it.
   
   
8. Distract infants and toddlers when they are doing something you don’t like, or remove them from the situation. Infants and toddlers do not understand right and wrong and should not be hit or shaken.
   
   
9. Use good manners when talking to children about their behavior. Be sure to use "I’m sorry," "Excuse me," and "May I?" when they are appropriate. Be a good model for your children in your speech and actions.
   
   
10. Catch your child being good! Your praise will increase appropriate behavior. A hug, smile, and soft words can also show approval.

I mentioned that there is research showing that spanking is not effective. Dr. Elizabeth Gershoff at Columbia University examined all available research about corporal punishment in an article published by the American Psychological Association’s Bulletin. Dr. Gershoff states that all of this research shows only one so-called positive outcome of corporal punishment: immediate compliance. However, the research also shows that corporal punishment is associated with ten negative outcomes, including higher aggression, lack of moral internalization, delinquency, and risk of physical child abuse.

While there are proponents of spanking as an effective form of discipline, they can point to no research to support their position. Punishment may gain compliance for a short period of time, but it does nothing to teach children about responsible behavior and self-control.

If you would like further information about the dangers of corporal punishment, I suggest that you visit the Center for Effective Discipline's Web site at www.stophitting.com

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